Joseph Recounts the Journey

So day one….

But first, Why do I always start out stories with So…

So… Day one.


We got a late start with all the packing we had not done and all the cleaning we had not had time to do and all the not wanting to really do this we were feeling we kinda put things off a bit.

Lesson one. When packing up to move and you only own one car, get done early so you can run all those errands you need to do BEFORE hooking a 2000 pound trailer onto the back of your car. I mean it is seriously impossible to take a bunch of stuff to the Salvation Army when you have no room in the car for anything but you and Jenny and the cat.

Now lets talk about the cat. I tell Jenny and the cat all the time that I hate him (the cat). This is clearly not true. I happen to adore him no matter how many times he wakes me up or makes me step on him or is just in general a VERY VERY VERY bad cat. But I do love him. In fact I love him so much that I took Jenny and I to the vet to ask for a sedative for the cat because he does not travel well. Now it is true that the vet is kind of hot and I may not have been paying super close attention but this is sort of what I remember.

Joseph: “Can you give us a sedative for the cat? We're going on a really long car ride.”

Vet Lady: “Just give him benedryl.”


Joseph: “How much?”

Vet Lady : “A quarter tablet, or 1.3 ml of children's benedryl.”

Joseph: “OK!”

See not a lot of conversation for me to be distracted by her hotness even if Jenny was.

So lesson two. When giving your cat a medication that he has never had before, try it out before hand or he will throw up all over YOUR head and not Jenny's. All down your back, and all over the seat and all over you and not anywhere near Jenny and all over your seat and hat and back and not anywhere near Jenny and then Jenny will say “Oh its just because he loves you."

We were on our way to dinner at a great little restaurant that gives these frequent diner cards and we were going to try and use ours for $10 off.

After getting cleaned up in the parking lot of Price Chopper. We headed to the restaurant and had a decent meal, however….

Lesson Three: When in a hurry make sure the restaurant knows whose section they put you in so you don’t sit there for 45 minutes before you finally get someone’s attention and they come over and say “Oh sorry there was a mistake and no one knew whose section you were in.” It was a good meal though and they make a great chicken sandwich. And they did give us our whole meal for free because they forgot the horseradish sauce when we asked for it.

Then we got on the road and headed out. We drove 5 hours or so and then we couldn’t stay awake anymore. So off we pull to an EconoLo(Bleep out of the corporate name) and Jenny looks online at Priceli(bleep out of the corporate name) and finds a better deal about 14 minutes away. So I say “Sorry we found a rate of 65 including tax so were going to go there.”

Lesson Four: Don’t hand your credit card to someone unless they WRITE down how much they are going to charge you no matter what they SAY. They can just say they said something different later on. Then you pay WAY too much for the dirtiest smelliest hotel ever!

Lesson Five: No matter what you do or endure, it really is an adventure, no matter how bad or stressful it is when right next to you is someone you love more than breath and they are happy to be with you in this life.

NEXT TIME: An explanation of how we got here and why without blame or accusation. Think I can do that. Or How did dis 'appen? (spoken in a Janeane Garofalo french accent).

Jenny: Fast Food

I, as a rule, avoid eating fast food. There are notable exceptions to this. I won't AbsTru them.

1. I ate certain things from Arby's because eating makes me less cranky at work. I never ate anything from Arby's unless I was working. I ordered two pizzas from Sbarros in the mall for the same reason.
2. Joseph and I go to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries about twice a month when we don't have a lot of time. We eat their fries because they appear to be nothing but grease and potatoes. We eat a hamburger from there about twice every 2 months.
3. We order pizza (and salad and chicken) from local pizza places. I "never" order pizza from Pizza Hut or Domino's. I love supporting local businesses (not national franchises).
4. I have a weakness for a steak salad from Chipotle. I get lettuce, steak, and the mild salsa.

With that aside, I've been eating an abnormal amount of fast food in the last couple days. While traveling with an overpacked car, a dehydrated and hyperactive cat, a heavy trailer and hills too steep for our transmission and 100 degree heat pounding on our heads, fast food has been a life saver.

The truth about life and food is that you can't have one without the other. If you dont eat long enough, you'll waste away and die. Wasting is a medical condition, not a euphemism for hunger. Hunger protects us from wasting. Our brains start fantasizing about food. There are two options: eat or get cranky. The crankiness is the aggression we need to kill something to eat, or kill someone to steal their food. Aggression, the hills, the cat, the trailer: it's a dangerous cocktail. You don't want to be distracted while towing.

Arguing with a woman who is preparing to kill would definitely qualify as a distraction.

In comes McDonald's. I don't know why, but I will eat McDonald's. I won't eat Wendy's or Burger King. I won't eat Taco Bell or Long John Silver's. I have an obsession with doing things "the right way." I guess my brain just accepts McDonald's as the "right way" to do fast food.

I've had McDonald's twice in the last two days: #9, 3 pieces, large combo with the sweet tea and barbecue sauce. I was tempted the second time to find out how many calories I was eating. Then I stopped myself. I'm stressed enough. I know my meal is 1400 calories, approx. If its more, I'd feel bad.

At night we've been ordering Domino's. Domino's must have some sort of deal with hotels because their ads are all over the room. My pizza last night was the Deluxe Feast: pepperoni, sausage, onions, green peppers and mushrooms. I've been eating it slice by slice today for all-day sustenance. Microwaved. If you know me, you know I avoid microwaving food at all costs.

My situation with traveling and fast food is proving my belief about food manufacturing, fast food and food technology. When getting fresh food is beyond difficult, you're in an emergency situation (like long distance travel, war, environmental crisis, poverty) mechanically produced, chemically preserved food is manna from heaven. If you made a mistake and didn't plan properly: fast food is a solution to avoid making your situation more dire.

But it's not for everyday. Everyday we should be perusing gardens to dig up potatoes, snap off corn and peas, cut lettuce and the like. When I get to my destination I know that I'm going to go back to my old habit of avoiding fast food, microwaves, and most of the center aisles of  the grocery store.

Until then: 5 Guys.

Jenny: States We've Passed Through

A combination of hunger, anxiety and claustraphobia saturated my physical form as I left New York. New York is a cool state. Just ask anyone who isn't from there. Even people from California think New York is cool. Everyone who lives in New York wants to leave and go to Massachusetts. Or Florida. Or Ohio. Or ANYWHERE ELSE.

Great things about New York: apples, maple syrup, Saratoga water, clever custom plates, Stewart's, snow, 50 South, Marquis Warner.

                                                         

New Jersey. This is the one they call The Garden State, but is more famous for being covered in litter. You can never miss New York more than when you are in New Jersey. We tried to get a hotel but failed. We didnt realize that having the most millionaire families in America would drive the hotel rates up so high.

Pennsylvania is New England's bowels. When you're in New Jersey, you can pretend you're still in New England. You can tell yourself that its not getting hotter, and the food isnt getting crappier, and the people stupider. But once you hit Pennsylvania... its all downhill. And uphill and downhill. The South is coming, Mid-Atlantic is its harbinger. We stayed at a creepy Travelodge here. I dont even remember what city. But my credit card does.

I wasnt in this state long enough to show you a map of it. Who is this beruffled man? George Culvert the Baron of Maryland. He got kicked out of Parliament for being a Catholic.

This bespecktacled fellow? Why it's our good friend John "Sunshine On My Gosh Darned Shoulders" Denver. We were in West Virginia for less than an hour, but it was as green and good and holy as John Denver said it would be.

Joseph hates Virginia. He used to live there and all hell broke loose. I try to hate it with him, but alas, they had some delicious blue crab, fresh caught, you know how I am with food. This is the seal of the Commonwealth of Virginia. It reads, Sic Semper Tyrannis: Thus Always to Tyrants. The Lady standing up on Tyranny is Virtue, not Timothy McVeigh, John Wilkes Booth, or Brutus. Virtue, not Terror, stands upon Tyranny.

Remember that.

We stayed in a HoJo in Roanoke. Upon leaving I noticed the heat for the first time in 4 years.

Where we are now:
Powell, Tennessee. Greenest State in the Land of the Free. I would have totally voted for Davy Crockett, except, well I would have been a slave. And even if I wasn't a slave, neither women nor Negroes were permitted to vote.

The air is dense as fog here, and it rained last night. I miss the lovely crisp New York air, smooth with wood smoke and lavender.