Jenny: Fast Food

I, as a rule, avoid eating fast food. There are notable exceptions to this. I won't AbsTru them.

1. I ate certain things from Arby's because eating makes me less cranky at work. I never ate anything from Arby's unless I was working. I ordered two pizzas from Sbarros in the mall for the same reason.
2. Joseph and I go to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries about twice a month when we don't have a lot of time. We eat their fries because they appear to be nothing but grease and potatoes. We eat a hamburger from there about twice every 2 months.
3. We order pizza (and salad and chicken) from local pizza places. I "never" order pizza from Pizza Hut or Domino's. I love supporting local businesses (not national franchises).
4. I have a weakness for a steak salad from Chipotle. I get lettuce, steak, and the mild salsa.

With that aside, I've been eating an abnormal amount of fast food in the last couple days. While traveling with an overpacked car, a dehydrated and hyperactive cat, a heavy trailer and hills too steep for our transmission and 100 degree heat pounding on our heads, fast food has been a life saver.

The truth about life and food is that you can't have one without the other. If you dont eat long enough, you'll waste away and die. Wasting is a medical condition, not a euphemism for hunger. Hunger protects us from wasting. Our brains start fantasizing about food. There are two options: eat or get cranky. The crankiness is the aggression we need to kill something to eat, or kill someone to steal their food. Aggression, the hills, the cat, the trailer: it's a dangerous cocktail. You don't want to be distracted while towing.

Arguing with a woman who is preparing to kill would definitely qualify as a distraction.

In comes McDonald's. I don't know why, but I will eat McDonald's. I won't eat Wendy's or Burger King. I won't eat Taco Bell or Long John Silver's. I have an obsession with doing things "the right way." I guess my brain just accepts McDonald's as the "right way" to do fast food.

I've had McDonald's twice in the last two days: #9, 3 pieces, large combo with the sweet tea and barbecue sauce. I was tempted the second time to find out how many calories I was eating. Then I stopped myself. I'm stressed enough. I know my meal is 1400 calories, approx. If its more, I'd feel bad.

At night we've been ordering Domino's. Domino's must have some sort of deal with hotels because their ads are all over the room. My pizza last night was the Deluxe Feast: pepperoni, sausage, onions, green peppers and mushrooms. I've been eating it slice by slice today for all-day sustenance. Microwaved. If you know me, you know I avoid microwaving food at all costs.

My situation with traveling and fast food is proving my belief about food manufacturing, fast food and food technology. When getting fresh food is beyond difficult, you're in an emergency situation (like long distance travel, war, environmental crisis, poverty) mechanically produced, chemically preserved food is manna from heaven. If you made a mistake and didn't plan properly: fast food is a solution to avoid making your situation more dire.

But it's not for everyday. Everyday we should be perusing gardens to dig up potatoes, snap off corn and peas, cut lettuce and the like. When I get to my destination I know that I'm going to go back to my old habit of avoiding fast food, microwaves, and most of the center aisles of  the grocery store.

Until then: 5 Guys.

Jenny: What Is the Quacklemeister Life?

Many people ask Joseph and I questions about our life, what we are up to, how we met, why we do what we do and for how many jelly beans, etc. And sometimes we ask ourselves the same questions. So we decided the best way to muse and disseminate was through this blog. We also have tons of friends that we lost to frequent and abrupt cross-country moves. We like to keep in touch, but we're really bad at it.


So with good intentions in one hand and technology in the other I bring you: The Quacklemeister Life.

IS THIS BLOG FOR YOU?

Have you ever met Jenny or Joseph Quacklemeister?


Do you like Jenny or Joseph Quacklemeister and/or want and/or used to be friends with either or both of them?


Do you enjoy reading dissemination or musings?


Do you have questions that you'd like answered?


If you answered yes to any of these questions, this blog is for you.

Introducing The Quacklemeisters

Why Quacklemeister? It's a name I made up in high school when forced to explain, pseudo-anonymously how our relationship came to be. It’s unique, meaningless name that screams US! Those weird people who live (insert our current address).

Me: Jenny Blankety- a 22-year-old woman. Like a frozen computer screen, I’m confused, but working on it.

My boyfriend/fiancé/soulmate: Joseph Quacklemeister, 39. Professional calmnifier.

My cat: Prince Albert Unpierced Mushroomcap. Our cat is a very very very bad cat.

Ex-Mrs. Quacklemeister: Juliana Snackcrackerson, fyi.

Joseph’s daughter: Jasmine Snackscrackerson-Quacklemeister, 10. No, you're right, it should be Jasmine Quacklemeister-Snackcrackerson, but that’s another post for another time.

Side note: Some of you may be asking, what about the Valentines (Apex, Dalia, Aryn, et al)? Here is the corporate approved answer:

The Valentines is a religious organization whose members worship the number 17. This is not a religious blog. The Quacklemeisters do not approve or disapprove of any religion. Please redial the number and try again.

The Absolute Truth

I will tell the absolute truth. This is the internet and I understand that things can become unreasonable. If at any point telling the absolute truth on this blog becomes unreasonable, I will revert to AbsTru. AbsTru is a censoring program I installed in my brain. It rewords facts, data, opinions and events into TruNuggets. TruNuggets are easily digestible for those with sensitive brains. They’re salty, chewy and flavored with natural truth extract.

AbsTru TruNuggets: When you can’t chew what’s true!

Readers:
Questions? Photos? Letters? Postcards? Opinionated Editorials? Recipes? Reviews? Advice? Long Distance Art/Performance?
Tells us what you want and we will deliver!